After a photo shoot last Sunday, we were in a rush to go back home at my in laws place since we need to attend a wedding. Our trip from San Juan to MCX was a breeze, but we then encountered a buildup in daanghari. And then we saw this.
In the news, we just found out that a 3-year old kid died on this accident plus two adults. Condolences for the loss. It was a horrible site to look at, and the image persisted until I slept that Sunday night. This made me realize on the importance of safety for the kids when traveling. In the Philippines, it's very rare that I see child car seats being used. I could understand that if you drive around the city where the maximum speed is less than 20kph due to traffic. You would rather spend your money on toys, food and clothes than a car seat. As a family, we were advocates of child safety so we took the time to invest on these car seats. However, last year, we had a difficult time making the kids stay in their seats so we opted to just leave the seats in the house. Last weekend's accident was a wake up call for us. Hope we could convince them this time to use the seats and buckle up.
I thought I would be able to get through Mommy's death anniversary without having to shed a tear. Then this McDo TVC showed up in one of the channels we were watching that night.
I'll try to translate in English the lines that the children were singing
Parang kailan lang Ang mga pangarap ko'y kay hirap abutin Dahil sa inyo napunta ako sa nais kong marating Nais ko kayong pasalamatan Kahit man lang sa isang awitin Not so long ago All my dreams were far away But because of you, I was able to reach them I just want to thank you Even with just this song One of the hardest roles of parents is helping their child create their dreams. Mommy taught me how to dream. She taught me to dream big... to aim high and believe in myself. She taught it not by words but through the perseverance I saw on her when she's making big transactions in her business. She taught it even after her business collapsed, she has the positive outlook that she can still bounce back and earn what she lost. I heard from one of the talks that the poorest person is not without money, but the one who has no dreams. I hope that like my mom, my girls could see how their dad stepped out of his comfort zone and persevere in pursuing his dreams. Tatanda at lilipas rin ako Ngunit mayro'ng awiting Para lamang sa atin alaala Sana laging tayong magkasama. I'll grow old and pass on But there's this song For us to remember Hope that we could be together forever They revised Florante's lyrics in order to show the kids wanting to express their gratitude to their moms and dads. How I wish the last line will stay true forever. Reality is... we all shall pass. Mommy did. But she left a legacy of love. A love that I can always see in our family. I'll be forever grateful for the love and inspiration you gave me. The whole family misses you. No it's not my age (just add a little bit more :)). It's the number of days I was away from home.With this small amount of time, there were lots of things that I missed and life lessons I realized: Cassandra's New Tricks It was only 14 days when I'm gone and I found Cassandra already walking and pointing to herself when asked "Where is Cassandra?" or "Nasaan si Cassandra?" So cute... I wonder what people will say if I do the same... "Where is Aaron?" Will they have the same reaction? Amanda's Trick or Treat If you're an 80s kid, I'm sure you'll recognize this costume: Kudos to Mommy Cali as she made this custom uniform for Champee which reminds me of my childhood. I think it was Ghostbusters 3 where I had a movie date with Mommy in the Plaza Fair mall in Cubao... plaza what?!
Amanda and Cassandra Got Sick With all the days in the year, a virus chose to infect Champee and Cassandra while I'm away. As a dad, one of the difficult things to do is when you cannot do anything to help your sick kids and most especially, your wife who's sleepless in guarding the babies. As a Christian, the only thing to do is pray for their speedy recovery. Working Dads I just realized that most of the leaders I work with are dads. I think gone are the days when we see western cultures who were not as close to their families. Almost all the people I met during this trip greatly values the amount of time they spend with the family. I think there's a great awareness that for businesses to be successful, it should be able to allow its employees to value the family. After all, it's the basic unit of society. I remember reading before that employees who have a good relationship with their spouses and kids are likely to be more productive. I'm glad that I'm just four hours away from home and will be boarding in a few minutes. Hopefully the babies are feeling much better now. Can't wait to go home.
Two weekends ago, the girls went out on a date. Well, it was suppose to be a family date, but the cinema only got two tickets left with seats apart so I decided to just wait for my girls and have Amanda seat on Cali's lap to watch it.
A day after they watched it, I tried to download it and was able to watch at home. I found some parallel insights in Raising Wise Dads, Moms and Kids by Dr. Grace Shankuan Koo on the chapter Raising Emotionally Wise Dads, Moms and Kids. Some things I learned both from the movie and the book: Know Thy Emotions It was good that this movie addressed five types of emotions. Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust and Anger. In Dr. Grace's book, she said that the first lesson a child has to master is to identify what he or she is feeling. This movie, mentioned the five basic emotions to help our kids, and even us, label the things we feel everyday. At least, if we know what we feel, we can respond better. Like what they say in G.I. Joe (the animation), knowing is half the battle. (not my generation though,i just heard it on from the oldies :)) Invest in Making Joyful Memories It may sound easy, but in reality, when bills pile up, pressures at work set in, misunderstanding between moms and dads, it will be very difficult to maintain a joyful atmosphere. But this is the challenge as parents. Remember the core joyful memories that Riley had? All of them were because both the mom and dad was there. Before thinking of what toys our kids would make them happy, or what activities we can enroll them to, let's think of the more simple things. Sometimes, the most effective way to make joyful core memories is to simply be there. Last weekend, we went into a children's party and was lucky to play in Kidzville. For those attending the party, we're free, but other guests are allowed to get in as long as they pay. And for the majority of the paying guests that went in, I saw Dads and Moms, leaving their kids with their yayas to play inside. Nothing wrong, but when you think about it, maybe from Monday to Friday, both parents are out working which means yaya is taking care of the children... Then on weekends where we should spend more time with our kids, we still see parents just leaving them with their yayas again. So for those joyful core memories, do we really want our yayas to be there instead of us? Feeling sadness to remember joy. The climax of the story was for Riley to finally say to her parents that she was sad and she missed Minnesota. From there, both her parents was able to console her and moved on to welcome joy in the next scenes. In life, it takes a lot of experience to determine that we need to stop, cry a bit, get in touch with sadness so we could find joy again. I remember the time when Champee lost Ate Minnie (her favorite pillow). She cried buckets of tears and took a lot of effort and time for us to make her happy during that family vacation. But then, when we went home and got Ate Minnie, the joy she felt was indescribable. For me as a son, when mommy died early this year, there are random sadness attacks that I encounter. But I feel joy everytime I get reminded of the happy childhood i had with her and how strong I became so that I can control my emotions when rearing my two girls. Response...not Reaction As parents, we should be very mindful of the things that our kids see from us. Have we raised our voices even with a slightly higher pitch to each other when we're stressed out? These short bursts of emotions are enough to zap the joy out of our kids when they see it... or should I say, feel it. In the scene where the mom and dad were asking how Riley's first day at school was... the dad let anger control him. As you can notice, the leader of the emotions is Joy, not anger nor disgust. Chaos went into Riley's actions when Joy was out of the control room. Probably because of all these emotions, Joy is something you have to be conscious about. Something you think and control. Something you make effort to make it control our day or life. Sure, there are lots of pressures daily in the environments we live in, but learning how to stay "Joyful" during these times will be the best gift we could ever pass on to our kids.
Overall, this movie opened the doors for both parents and kids about dealing with our emotions. And the more effort we make on keeping Joy control our control room, the better our core memories will look brighter.
So I was trying to do a home exercise since it's raining outside and I won't be able to jog.
While the girls are still sleeping, I did these routine. By the time I'm doing the crunches, something happened.
Me: Waaa, pinupulikat ang abs ko! (I got abs cramps ;) yes abs!) Cali: Huh? Asan?! (Where?! with a surprised and confused look) Oh well, it may not be obvious but it's good to know I have abs :) Muscles, though not obvious exist. Same as some of our hidden strengths. Sometimes, a little exercise could help unearth those sleeping talents and skills that you can use to help your kids or others.
One challenge of parenthood is trying to stay calm when your little child is always getting upset about little things.
I remember the quote above when I passed by an international school somewhere in Magallanes while doing a photobooth about a year ago... It says "Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it." Family life is a vocation anchored on deep faith and commitment, not on emotions. As kids grow up, I discover now that parenthood really transforms ones character. Your reaction will determine the growth of your character, whether it will go better or worse. A few weeks ago, I found this article circulating in the social media... which was the Cockroach Theory by the Google CEO, Pichai... Sundar not Prospero :)... Response and not reaction. One of management's basics which also applies to parenting. Now that Amanda's four, there are periods where she cries a lot about small things like she needs to be the one pressing the down button for the elevator or having a specific shade of pancake when cooked. As a normal human being, the natural tendency will be to talk back with a higher and louder tone to request and reason out that what she's complaining is just a simple thing. After all, in an adult's eye, it's just a button or a pancake. This is what we call Reaction. To reflect back what is thrown at you without any processing. But as parents, we need to "Respond". Well it maybe just an elevator button but it may be a sense of pride for her knowing that she has control over the elevator doors... or maybe it's just a pancake, but having the right amount of shade corresponds to a better taste on her artful imagination. To RESPOND means, to process the situation, take a deep breathe, stay calm and talk lovingly to a child even when it seems it's not working. To calmly explain that what she's feeling is ok, but she needs to be reminded to act well and correct her behavior. At the end of it all, shouting or being mad would just make things worse and let her feel unloved triggering more tears and upset behavior... and worse, a very sad childhood if the cycle goes on. Parenting is a continuous choice between reacting and responding. Sure there will be times where we might fail to process and just lose our heads. But the good thing about life is that we can always bounce back and respond properly to the negative actions being hurled at us. I believe the same principle goes with our spouse. In order for relationships to grow, any negative reaction can always be turned into positive when we know how to love the person we're dealing with. To respond, and not just react.
While thinking of an article to write, I found this draft in my inbox which I started when Cali was pregnant with Cassandra. Hopefully rookie dads like me would be able to use these tips:
Like I said before, you can never graduate on being a rookie dad. Each baby is different and since they are different, mom's pregnancies vary as well :). Here are ten things a rookie husband can do when their wife is pregnant:
They say that in school, you'll learn how to write, read, draw and other technical stuff. Last weekend was full of new things to learn for me. Man's Time vs. God's Time Week after week, we're so good at filling up our schedule to the brim. There were cases were we put event coverage, photobooth service, attending birthday parties, family gathering and serving through CFC all in one day. We're so addicted on being busy to the point that at the end of the day, when we look back at the things we've done, everything seemed to be mediocre. That things were done out of compliance and not aligned to what we were designed to do. God took charge and made us stick to what is important. Amanda got sick so we went to the Asian Hospital super early morning which is much earlier than the activity we're suppose to go to. Instead of going through a lot of activities for that day, we spent it with the kids. That afternoon, we visited lola at the heritage to check out if our solar lamp really works, and then went to my cousin for Cassandra's shot. God's Engineering
During our visit to Dr. Robles, my cousin and both of my kids' pedia, she told us on how a woman's body adapts to the needs of her baby. Did you know that the breastmilk that moms produce contains the exact amount of vitamins and nutrients that her baby needs? Like whey and casein proteins. The right balance of these two substances make it easier for a baby to digest thus increasing her ability to resist infections. Formula milk tries to mimic these combination that's why you can see different types based on an infant's age. Same Sex Marriage This was also the same weekend were Same Sex Marriage was legalized in the US. I would have to agree with Pope Francis' view that this is cohabitation rather than marriage and family life. A family needs balance and by God's engineering, men and women although different, complement each other's existence. And that these different roles are important to raise kids who will be the future of the society. It's amazing how Cali, Amanda and Cassandra prepared for Father's day. Days before dad's day, Amanda walked up to me with a treasure map saying that this is the place where she hide the surprise for me. But then she warned me that I can only open it during Father's Day. No peeking! First thing in the morning, when Amanda woke up, she immediately reminded me of the surprise. Well the map didn't say that much so she just handed me over this can of cookies. This can is priceless as it contained a collection of her drawings and letters. THey're all about our small family and the big love she's seeing everyday. The Daddy adventure didn't stop with the treasure hunt. We had a pre Dad's day celebration the night before for our Daddy Felix. And on Sunday, to beat the Father's Day crowd, we celebrated Daddy Ador's in the early morning together with my siblings and my nieces and nephew. I don't know if it's just me, but my observation this year 2015 is that a lot of people are already celebrating Father's Day. Good thing we celebrated early in the morning where everyone's still at home :) At the end of the day even though there were lots of not-so-nice things that happened after the morning celebration, I still feel blessed:
One, that God chose me to be a dad, that despite having my already little hours of sleep being cut into half (about 3 to 4 hours) I gained a lot of wonderful memories spending those time with my little girls. Just seeing how both of them expressed their love to me and Cali is more than enough to last a lifetime. Two, even though we lost Mommy this year, any occasion brings about reason for the whole family to get together. It's nice seeing them play and bond together. Three, making Daddy happy during this time affirms us of God's hope. I always remember the movie "Up" for Daddy Ador since he's in the same situation. We're happy that somehow we're part of his new happy adventure so he can live life to fullest. We're celebrating Cassandra's eight months already! It was good to finally spend more time with her during the independence day weekend and bond with the whole family. Truly, family time is the best time :) For Cassandra's eight month, these are the things she could do now: Learning how to stand on her own. This is good as her big legs are being exercised everyday to be stronger. Thinking ahead, 23 years from now (wow advanced), I do hope that even if she's an adult, she would still depend on daddy or mommy to do some things, not because she can't do it, but because she loves us to still serve her (this is respect) Using the "andador" Remember the bamboo andador (walker)? Well, Cassie is not using that, but rather, she's using Ate Champee's, I want to buy one though so we could compare its effectiveness vs. the modern ones. I'm just thinking that if the results were the same, we may have been over complicating our lives with modern tools only to find out that the end result is similar. In life, we may have to slow down and weigh things first before going into the next big thing. Eating more. Cassandra is eating solids more. She can eat twice the amount she's taking from when she started. At first, BLW (baby led weaning) may seem to teach kids gluttony since they tend to eat a lot, but studies show that when they grow up, they would eat the right amount and proper nutritious food. With all these developments, we can't wait for her ninth month already. |
AuthorI'm a technology geek, photographer, musician and a rookie dad trying out to speak my mind through writing my daily experiences as a young Pinoy dad. Archives
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